21: Gary’s Garlic Shrimp Scampi

My stars it has been a fantastic week, so many obstacles and diversions have come up, but ones that I was able to overcome with perseverance and patience. Sometimes I think food can be like that. Sure we all start simply, maybe with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or perhaps with macaroni and cheese, but we all started our culinary journey somewhere. From there we continue to take steps forward, but inevitably there’s a dish you see and think “I could never make that, it’s far too complicated…”

Lawrence finally exits his trailer swinging the screen door outwards hard enough to cause a harsh metallic thwack as it collides with the aluminum exterior of the mobile home. Seemingly super glued to his bottom lip was a half smoked menthol, in his right hand was a thermos whose facade did not betray the gin vodka kool aid concoction in its metal and glass belly. Conversely in Lawrence is left hand hung a rubber full head clown mask complete with a red Afro affixed atop.

Pedro busied himself with scraping the moth guts from his boot onto the curb as Lawrence covered the distance from the trailer to the curb with a series of half collapses and barely passable attempts at walking like a full grown non spastic human being.

Hey you still got that garage door opener I gave you? Great let’s skip the next 20 minutes where Lawrence talks to Pedro, gets his trike and they talk some more as they walk down the block.

Come on I can see your finger hovering over the button, just exert a few well placed muscles and depress the Oval shape at the top of that black plastic box. Are you afraid of giving your mother another o face that results in her other o vomiting some stink vomit in her assumingly huge granny panties?  Or are you thinking that maybe this time when you press the button there might be more dire consequences than your mom white knuckling a sudoku book? Like maybe if you press the button she might just straight up fucking die?

I’m pretty sure the cum button isn’t going to kill her but who knows right? Press the button come on just press it. I need it you need it…Lord knows dear old mom needs it. Just think, her aching, throbbing moist lady drapes, probably outlined with grey pubes, just begging for the life saving jolt of sensual electricity.

Hey don’t drop it! Wait, what are you doing? Put your foot down! NOT ON THE REMOTE! Aw it’s smashed! Now we have to walk! On a side note that very well may have just killed your mother. You may want to take a minute and call her. Don’t worry you won’t miss anything, we’ve got quite a bit of time now. Thank you very much Senior Mymomdosen’tdeserveorgasms.

Shit, they’ve been talking this whole time, ahem”…wanna tell me I can’t piss next to the dumpster. Like the McDonalds dumpster is some holy shrine or something” Lawrence says to Pedro as he smokes the filter of his cigarette. “If the Mcdonalds dumpster was a woman she’d be the exact kind of bitch that’d want you to take a piss on her!” Lawrence grinded his cigarette out on the sidewalk with his well worn croc.

“Me dirijo al trailer” Pedro said as he sidestepped the moth corpse to walk towards the rooster trailer. “See I said that too” Lawrence said ignoring Pedro beginning to walk away from him. “But then they said I’m trespassed and shit.” Pedro made no attempt to acknowledge Lawrence (which he’d found was the best course of action pretty much all the time.) You sure you want this? It’s not like a car chase is about to break out. You smashed the remote but I’m sure I could manifest something for you to sexually abuse or murder that would appease the fickle transition gods. Well so be it….  

Lawrence has retrieved his tricycle from it’s protective shed nest and he’s now slowly peddling it in Pedro’s direction. Reaching into the button-down shirt he’s wearing open over his skanky wife beater, he retrieves a bent and beaten 305’s box. Inside the box he finds three half smoked menthol cigarettes. Shaking a lucy into his outstretched hand he lights it with the abundant blue smoke plume that comes from discount cigarettes. CAPTIVATING! You’re a real piece of shit, you know that right?

Blue smoke trailing behind him like a giant tendril from something that could be loosely associated as anthropomorphized smoke Lawrence smiled. Maybe it was the jungle juice he was sipping or the hit or three of rock he took before he left the trailer, but he felt good.


  • 2 Tablespoons olive oil
  • 4 tablespoons butter
  • 4-5 large garlic cloves, minced (or 1 1/2 tablespoons minced garlic)
  • 1 1/4 pounds (600 grams) large shrimp prawns, shelled with tails on or off
  • Salt and fresh ground black pepper to taste
  • 1/4 cup dry white wine or broth
  • 1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes or to taste (optional)
  • 2 tablespoons lemon juice
  • 1/4 cup chopped parsley


  • Heat olive oil and 2 tablespoons of butter in a large pan or skillet. Add garlic and sauté until fragrant (about 30 seconds – 1 minute). Then add the shrimp, season with salt and pepper to taste and sauté for 1-2 minutes on one side (until just beginning to turn pink), then flip. 
  • Pour in wine (or broth), add red pepper flakes (if using). Bring to a simmer for 1-2 minutes or until wine reduces by about half and the shrimp is cooked through (don’t over cook your shrimp).
  • Stir in the remaining butter, lemon juice and parsley and take off heat immediately.
  • Serve over rice, pasta, garlic bread or steamed vegetables (cauliflower, broccoli, zucchini noodles).

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