15: Wally’s Waldorfish Chicken Salad

Okay so confession time, this recipe wasn’t originally mine. Then again which ones are? I think I treat different dishes as associates, not friends…that is until I can make the dish without a recipe, then they are officially mine:D There was this cool little mom and pop spot down the road from where we used to live, and it was probably just too cool to exist. Essentially the owner had recreated someone’s living room from the 70’s, right down to episodes of the muppets playing on a large box tv in the middle of the restaurant. They served comfort food like turkey sandwiches, grilled cheese with tomato soup and chicken salad sandwiches. The chicken salad was my jam! Every once in a while we would go a get lunch there, until one day I saw most of the decorations and furniture were being removed. To my horror I learned the owner had sold the restaurant and it was going through a complete overhaul….including the menu! Well fret not my little almost fretters, because I was able to sweet talk the waitress into giving me the recipe!

Oh….that’s right you won’t know when its over. Well it doesn’t appear the cat buzzard is intending on attacking, in fact its squatting almost as if it were going to….yup its taking a shit. Now its looking at the fat boy with the lizard, sort of coking it’s head like its waiting. Okay chubbs threw the lizard at the bird cat thing and its happily munching away on the poor helpless boogie lizard. And um, there’s no polite way to put this, the fat kid is eating the cat-buzzard shit.

Oh and not in a begrudging “If I have to” kind of way, he’s licking the sidewalk after finishing the whole mound. Apparently that shit is delicious. Hey you wanna catch a lizard? No? I suspect we don’t know what we’re missing, fat children are hardly ever wrong about these kinds of things. No? Oh, alright….Now fist this goat.

So here we are aboard the alien space ship. I suppose you could call it the mothership, at least to the alien life forms found down in the trailer park. In the grander scale of things this is just one ship in a whole fleet of exploratory vessels. So in the over all scheme this ship is little more than an RV at the grand canyon. Though in the alien’s perspective earth is more like a truck stop just outside the grand canyon, a good place to take a shit just don’t eat the egg salad sandwiches.

We’re currently in a main main hall. No you did not misunderstand , this hall is for passage of reconstructed multi-organism entities which is why you and I can easily pass through it. Look there where the floor meets the wall, see the quarter sized openings every six inches? These are the main hall in which deconstructed individual parts of the multi-organisms pass. It seems convoluted but the process of deconstruction and reconstruction aids in the overall stability of the organism as a whole. Also I’ve heard its satisfying much in the same way a big sneeze or shit can be.


1 pound chicken (already cooked) I either roast a chicken myself or get a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store.

1 cup chopped celery

1 cup sweet pickle relish

1 cup mayo

1/2 cup diced almonds

1 cup diced red grapes

1/2 cup sour cream

1 tablespoon yellow mustard

4 or 5 Sandwich sized croissants

4 or 5 leaves of lettuce


Dice up your chicken into bite sized pieces. I usually go through at least once with my fingers to make sure I don’t have any leftover bones left in.

Now add the chicken as well as all the other ingredients (with the exception of the croissants, and lettuce) into a large bowl. Mix thoroughly. Salt and pepper to taste.

Slice your croissants to create a sandwich add a leaf of lettuce to each. Dollop a generous amount of chicken salad to each. Place the two halves of the croissant back together!

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