14: Chorizo Scramble

We’ve all been there right, standing in the glow of the refrigeration light staring blankly into the contents and trying desperately to find something to eat. Sure if there were left overs that’d be your first choice, but those are gone and now you have to make something, but what? There’s no clear combination of foods jumping out at you. No clear combo like chicken sitting next to peppers screaming make fajitas! Well I’ve been there too and I can tell you sometimes you just gotta grab and armful elbow your way into a white labcoat and play mad scientist!

Okay let’s get out of here the smell of baby brains is making me nauseous. What are you shirking away for? Don’t worry were using the door this time you big baby. Ah fresh air, smell that? Yup baking asphalt and drunk piss, Corona if I’m not mistaken.

Come over here to this curb and take a seat, mind the hypodermic needles. We need to be patient for what I want to show you next. Yes there we are, ten feet up to the north on the sidewalk, basking in the mid-day heat, there little fence lizards. Nothing out of the ordinary there right? Just wait.

Why are you shirking away again? Okay granted most of the alien shit I’ve enlightened you to has been almost Mengele levels but trust me this is G rated. Just give it a minute you’ll see what I’m saying. Shoulda brought some sunscreen its getting hot out here. You know they say you should drink seven glasses of water a day? I mean I’m all for staying healthy but what am I a camel in the Sahara? Plus you sweat more with all that water. You ever get swamp ass? Like wearing tight underwear and your crotch and ass starts to sweat and mix with all the funk down there. You sit down too hard and it pushes all the air out the back of your pants like your some kind of crotch cheese skunk.

OOOH here we go! There’s a low riding piece of crap honda with a spoiler blasting mariachi music. We have to wait until it gets close enough to the lizards. Annnd here we go! They all rise on their back legs as it passes and start to sway. Its like they’re dancing! As far as I know there’s no actual reason for this altered behavior, but it is a result of the genetic altering molecules I mentioned before.

See most of the modifications are being made to assist in the search of…. Why do you have that vacant look on your face? Well of course I mentioned the genetic altering molecules, otherwise all the bugs and slugs and nose brain spider beetles would seem awful and just down right sadistic. But know that you mention it you have been kind of jumpy. I guess a lack of pertinent information could explain that.

Well there’s only one remedy for that, well have to visit the alien ship during the molecular dispersion process. Here, shove your fist up this goat’s ass.

Wait what are those kids doing to the lizards? Hey that fat one caught one while it was dancing. I didn’t see them before it’s almost as if they were hiding and waiting for the music to distract the little reptiles. Well that was interesting, now back to the ….FUCK GET DOWN! Jesus what was that? It almost took your head off! Its some kind of large winged …. cat? It , it looks like a buzzard, a buzzard body with a cat head.

It landed near those kids that caught the lizard, walking on giant scaly taloned feet towards them. Ugh the head looks like a hairless cat with no ears and a bulbous purple skin sack hanging from it’s neck. Jesus are we going to see more child dismemberment today? I can’t look, tell me when its over!

Ingredients:

Egg Whites (Most of them)

Broccoli (1 head)

Garlic (some)

Scallions (yes)

Chives

Turkey Chorizo

Cherry Tomatoes

Red Onions

White Onions

Bell Peppers

Instructions:

In a large skillet brown the chorizo (takes about 5 minutes on high medium)

Chop all veggies into bit sized portions, add to skillet and cover for five minutes

Add egg whites and stir into your concoction.

Cook until egg whites are no longer liquid (about threeish minutes)

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