13: Aunt Reggie’s Pepper Eggs

We all have that one relative am I right? The black sheep, who try as they might cannot help but stick out like the proverbial sore thumb. In my family it was my Aunt Regina, or Reggie as she insisted on being called. Even that small change to her moniker was enough to set some biddies to chittering in the older circles of our family get togethers. “It’s a boy’s name” some would say “don’t see what was wrong with her old name, its a good bible name” others would quietly chide. Regardless she carried on in her whimsical ways bringing spice to our sometimes agonizingly bland family. One way was that she would bring amazing food that I’d never seen to the family reunions, when I remarked on how much I liked them she’d fill my little head with in-numerous more.

Soon pimps were offering clean girls to the alien scouts strictly for the economic advantage. Sadly not all the girls were prostitutes going in, some were just unfortunate innocents who’s family owed the gang money. Pedro’s sister in-law was one of these sad occurrences. Shes married to his good for nothing brother and also the mother to the light of his life Consuella. Consuella is 3 and a half years young, and as bright and innocent as a girl can be. Well as bright and as innocent as a girl can be when growing up in an alien infested gang ridden trailer park.

Hey you know the beginning of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom when that saucy blonde chick comes out and sings “Anything goes”? Remember when they all walk back into the dragon’s mouth and all start singing and dancing in this stadium sized black room all dressed in silver top hats and shit? What was that all about huh? The first two minutes established that that song and dance was for a night club which was all situated around the dragon’s mouth which was built into a wall. When all the dancers went through the mouth into another room the audience (which we’ve established was who they were preforming for) could no longer see the dancers or singer. More over they probably could only hear muffled singing and the clomping of a hundred feet. I’m just saying that bugs me.

Speaking of bugs let’s get back to the vaginas! Unlike some of the other sinister slitheries from Saturn that we’ve talked about , these coitus creatures do not affect the brain in an over taking of personality or free will. However because of the overwhelming urge to push the wiggly worm in the ham pocket most people will exhibit signs that friends and family would consider to be counter intuitive to being a normal functioning human being. Think sex addict with severe DDT’s.

Pedro’s sister in law Lucila is not exempt from these unfortunate effects and has not seen her husband or daughter in 8 months. This is because his brother Eduardo took a front from a gang loan shark to the tune of two thousand dollars to start his own side drug business. His plan was to cut the crank and undersell the other three crank dealers. What our precious Eddy didn’t know was that the shark was loyal to hiss boss El Jeffe and ratted on Eduardo minutes after he took the money. Eddy was found next to the group mail boxes beaten to a pulp and robbed. Worse still El Jeffe still demanded to be repaid even though he was the one who ordered the mugging.

Lucila was taken one night after dropping Consuella off at her grandmother’s trailer. She was on her way to work when El Jeffe’s men snatched her off the street into a van. An hour later she was infested with parasites and begging the pimps to let her go into the streets.

Oh shit I just realized I’m sitting her telling you about all these nasty chocho bugs and we’re still standing in the backroom of the daycare. I can still smell Santiaga’s diaper from where she shit herself when they killed her. That Elmo CPR poster seems extra menacing given the circumstances of the room’s purpose.

I didn’t just trail off though, see Consuela isn’t one of the little walking deads out there. She isn’t even in the daycare front. Marcella Consuella’s elderly grandmother takes care of her. Although she’s old and frail she guards the young girl with the adamant ferocity of a mama bear high on angel dust. Literally nothing even approaching the description of dangerous gets close to her little “Pollito.”

It’s common knowledge to both Eduardo and Pedro (who are Marcella’s only children) that the geriatric woman’s penchant for tequila and newports have degraded her health. It’s a matter of years if not months before she finds herself in the land of the death.

Which is exactly why Eduardo superglued that guy’s rectum closed.

Ingredients:

1 Bell pepper

Cooking spray

Large egg

1 scallion

Salt and Pepper (A smidgen)

Instructions:

In a skillet spray a small amount of cooking spray

Cut the top off the bell pepper. Clean the inside of the pepper removing the seeds.

Cut horizontally on the bell pepper creating a ring about an inch tall.

Place this ring in the skillet, allow it to remain on the skillet and cook for around a minute.

Flip the ring and cook for an additional minute on the other side.

Crack an egg and allow the egg to come to a rest whole (yolk in tact) inside the ring.

Cook for around three minutes on each side, be careful not to pierce your yolk.

Cut up your scallion into half inch rings. (Around 15 rings) Sprinkle these around the top.

Salt and Pepper to tase.

Voila ! Get yourself some dipping toast and enjoy!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Create your website with WordPress.com
Get started
%d bloggers like this: