You know if there’s one thing I can say about my dear old pop pop, it’d be that he was bald. But if there were two things I could say about him it’d be that he was bald, and he knew how to make a darn good quiche. There’s a special quality to a good quiche which transcends just an ordinary casserole, it can’t be defined by just ingredients, sometimes it includes a dash of magic to get it just right.
OOOhh that was artsy, we got to look at the dinosaurs and their untimely demise and then something about lizards eating rock goo. I’m sure this all ties in somehow. I’m not really positive that there isn’t anything else here that we’re supposed to see. Keep your eyes peeled….is that…no…oh wait….no nevermind.
Oh hey, a large insect has landed on your arm and begun to nestle your head with it’s proboscis….perhaps this is a sign of….no…definitely not a sign! MOVE! The proboscis is dagger like in nature! Duck and weave! It’s still on you! Swing your arms! It’s thorax is vunerable! Good shot! Its dazed, here duck into this enclave here.
That was close. I think its safe to say that that bug didn’t want to make friends. Oh that reminds me you have really bad garlic breath, here take a stick of gum. What? Yes it looks like a tiny silver man with reflective eyes silently begging you not to put him in your mouth and chew, but can you really say thats not true about all gum? Good, chew it up, good. Yes it is crunchy, that’s the flavor crystals inside. The screaming? Obviously that’s tiny air pockets inside the prepackaged gum. Don’t worry about all that, just swallow the juices. Shhh don’t worry just swallow the gum juice….good, feel that?
Here we are back in the trailer park and all you had to do was masticate a space man to death and swallow his bodily fluids! Yeah that wasn’t gum, not in the traditional sense anyway. I t was a cryogenic chamber encapsulated in an elastascene polymer. Early interdimensional time travel was wacky. Lucky for us their safety capsules can provide a boost in spacial time travels when dealing with linear time travel. Don’t worry, that guy you chewed up got a really big statue made of him in his home town. Big to them anyway.
Let’s have a look see, yes, it’s Tia’s daycare. You didn’t think a little trip back to the Mesozoic era and a quick romp through the endless chasm of the timeless ether would distract me from showing you the special brand of terror these forgotten tots endure did you? Granted that was probably a valid assumption, but here we are regardless.
You know I just realized this is like the christmas carol you know? We stand around and talk and listen but no one can see us. I’m gonna go rub my taint on that angry looking cholo’s face.
The angry looking cholo packaging methamphetamine in the back room of Tia’s daycare scratches his nose his fingers come away smelling of cheese and fish. Sealing the brick he turns to a wide eyed woman standing with her hand on the shoulder of a 3 year old. The child sits on a table top distracted by a handful of stale graham crackers the woman had thrust into her chubby hands. With all the interest of stepping on a roach the woman stabs the child through the top of the skull with a rusty pairing knife. No screams are heard, there really isn’t that much blood. The only indication of this grievous action is the little girl’s hand falls from her mouth leaving bits of cracker hanging from her loose lips.
This is getting intense right? It gets worse, we could go do something else for a bit if you want. Granted we’d still have to come back here, but you know it would be like a palate cleanser. Did you know pickles are included with a lot of meals because that’s what they do? No the pickles do not stab babies in the head with rusty pairing knifes, they cleanse the palate between courses. No? Well look at you Mr/Mrs Baby murder doesn’t faze me. Did you have to introduce yourself to all your neighbors when you moved in?
The angry looking cholo watches as the wide eyed woman pushes the pairing knife deeper into Santiaga’s little scalp. She continues until the handle is level with the short hair on the girl’s head. It makes it worse to know her name doesn’t it? Adds a face somehow and even maybe an echo of a child’s laugh in this cold confusing nightmare.
With the blade fully inserted the woman pulls the handle towards her causing the wound to open wider admist the sound of cracking skull and squishing blood aqnd brain matter. The wide eyed woman holds the opening wide but begins to twitch from the neck up as if someone had stuck a live wire into the base of her neck. Her face contorts and though it seems impossible her eyes grow even wider showing the brown (not pink) muscles around her ocular globes. Another spasm and her nose pops from it’s place above her mouth like a grotesque Mr.Potato head.
Her nose shifts one way and then another until it seems as if it will fall completely off and roll on the floor, however instead of falling it shifts again and now an insectoid like leg can be seen gripping the side of her nose hole. The nose is not a nose at all, simply put it is the camouflaged back of a beetle like creature. The nose beetle removes it’s legs from the wide eyed woman’s face like one might remove their legs from a warm bath.
She stands stone still as the nose creature drops from her face onto Santiaga’s scalp. A chittering fills the room as the insect first arches it’s nose back, then splits horizontally. After a moment a new set of eyes and pincers pushes through the separation point of the back end and begins to move. The original head and front end of the nose goblin crawls back up the wide eyed woman’s dirty blouse and fixes itself back in place in her nose hole. Because of the bifurcation though now the wide eyed woman has a five year old sized nose on a forty five year old’s face.
The newly formed nose beetle nestles inside the knife wound on santiaga’s head spreading it’s legs well into the infants dying brain. The knife is removed and the creature lays flat against the scalp completely hiding the legs and wound under neath.
Zombie Santiaga raises her little arms mid chest and works her fingers while also moving her head slightly side to side. Angry looking cholo slides a small knit cap over her tiny steadily cooling head thereby concealing a very believable head nose. He then retrieves a large buck knife from the table and proceeds with the process of gutting the child, removing just enough organs to replace with the freshly packaged meth.
After the grisly stuffing is completed cholo uses a staple gun to suture the child back together. Zombie Santiaga rises from her sitting position and hops to the floor where she is then escorted by cholo to one of the many hookers or “hummers” as they’re called in the trailer park. The hummer will accompany the zombie to the drop point as a cover. Santiaga will remain a zombie drug mule until either her nervous system degrades to a point where it can no longer be manipulated or her decaying flesh becomes suspiciously noticeable.
1 Tube of breakfast sausage
1 Package of thick cut hickory smoked bacon
1 bunch of scallions
1 pre-made flaky dough pie crust
1 Cup of shredded sharp cheddar
1/4 cup evaporated milk
1 cup baby spinach
Brown the sausage in a skillet.
Follow instructions on package to cook bacon.
Let meats cool, while waiting take out a pie pan and apply the pie crust to said pan.
Cut scallions into 1/4 inch pieces
Cut bacon into 1/4 inch pieces
In a separate bowl beat eggs and milk together.
Mix in sausage, scallions, spinach, cheese and bacon.
Pour egg mixture into pie dough.
Bake according to package instructions. Generally 400 degrees for around 25 minutes